Parts of this movie work so well, but others completely ruin the experience!
Want to hear this read aloud? Check out the latest episode of The Front Row Movie Reviews: Full Disclosure
I LOVED Kingsman, it was a refreshing take on both spy and comic book movies in a world where we have way too many spy and comic book movies. But woof… that ending. We get it, anal sex is funny, but I really didn’t need to see some one’s actual ass hole to get the joke. So I’d my hopes were cautiously high the sequel.
And well… shit.
***SPOILER WARNING***
The parts of Golden Circle that work, work so well. Its funny, its shot well, and I really feel like they started to understand the comedy of the world they are living in. But what the fuck? All of that good stuff is ruined by an insane lack of Channing Tatum, a false promise of Halle Berry being a bad ass, AND A FUCKING CGI PENETRATING SHOT OF A WOMAN’S VAGINA AS A DUDE FINGER BANGS HER? REALLY? You ruined your whole movie by making us feel SO uncomfortable that it’s hard to ever get back into it. Whatever I may think of 90% of the movie, I can’t unsee this shot. It’s not funny or clever. It certainly doesn’t serve the plot of the movie (and I see a lot dudes defending it online… calm down dudes, you’re wrong) If for some reason it was essential to have Eggsy finger bang that girl, it could have been handled better than depicting a 15-year-old’s pervy wet dream. I hate to say that these things added together ruined the whole movie, but they kinda did.
That doesn’t even mention how poorly underused Julianne Moore’s excellent villain Poppy was. Why couldn’t she fight? Everyone else is fighting in formal wear, why not her. AND if she can’t fight why do people care who she is? Why is she in power??? She played a character I was excited to see in action. She had this sickening sweet attitude, like if cotton candy could be a person. It made her scary in a way I didn’t expect. So when the final show down started I was pumped… then she gets smacked, given a heroin overdose, and dies… That is a wet fart of a character exit. If this was the only problem I probably wouldn’t have had much to say… but this on top of everything else just left the taste of dirty dish water in my mouth (yes I know what that tastes like, college was weird).
***SPOILERS ARE DONE NOW***
All in all I’m just disappointed. I’m disappointed in a franchise I thought I wanted more of. I’m disappointed in a director I have so much respect for. And I’m disappointed that this shit is still in movies today.
When it works it works and it’s a blast, but the bad severely out weighs the good. If I had to score it… 4/10
