Are you going stir crazy? Getting cabin fever? Maybe if you’re single, you’re really starting to feel the crunch of that sexless life right about now. Good news! I mean yes, Pornhub is giving away the store, but also, I have a Pandemic Pick that will remind you of why you don’t want to have sex right now. It’s called MATING HABITS OF THE EARTHBOUND HUMAN.
This 1999 classic, now available to rent for $2.99 on Amazon, is a fake documentary for a hypothetical alien species that would like to learn how humans mate. It stars acting legend Carmen Electra and Patty Duke’s non-Hobbit son, Mackenzie Astin, as a couple that should probably have nothing to do with each other but are still gonna give it a go. As they work through their toxic relationship issues, they also try to figure out contraception options. That’s right, this is a movie about birth control!
So quick, think about who’s the person you want to narrate a documentary about sex without procreation. I bet it’s David Hyde Pierce! I hope it’s David Hyde Pierce, because that’s who you’re gonna get. Is he sexy? No. Is he informative and whimsical? Yes.
Do you like to watch performances from actors mere moments before they became famous? You got it! Try Lucy Liu and Buffy’s least toxic boyfriend, Marc Blucas.
It’s also very important to know that the Sperm characters are played by men in bodysuits. That’s right. This movie has sentient sperm.
If all of this information doesn’t entice you to watch this film, then I can’t help you. But if you want a very silly relationship movie that will teach you about the various forms of contraception while showing you lots of Carmen Electra pretending to orgasm from mediocre sex, this is the movie for you. You are fucking welcome.
Emily Blake writes screenplays with lots of fight scenes. She is a vocal advocate for feminism, polyamory, kink, and sex positivity. She makes most of her money as a script supervisor for film and television, but she also makes cosplays for clients out of her little apartment in Los Angeles.
